Hello again, readers of HamsterSpeak! I am Fortis, here to answer your burning questions, off from a month-long hiatus.
I don't have anything witty to say, because I'm pretty tired, so let's just get right to it and I can work on my introductions next month.

If you were declared president and ruler of all things OHR, what would be
your first decree?

STOP MAKING EXCUSES. I see this on Castle Paradox more than anywhere else, and this applies to art as well as game demos. You post your stuff and someone's like, "Well its nice but that's off, that part right there" and then you come back around and go "No it's like that on purpose" when it's clear that you just didn't feel like not ripping an FF6 sprite or you don't know anatomy. STOP IT, SERIOUSLY.

ALSO, can we please stop saying "If you criticize me, you can either do better or you're just jealous." as the very Editor in Chief of this magazine once said, "I don't have to be a chef to tell you that terrible food tastes like boot and ass."

Take criticism or leave it. If you take personal offense to criticism, take a good hard look at what you're doing.

Imagine some toymaker made plastic adjustable figurines of every character ever designed in the OHR and offered you a chance to own five of your characters and ten of other people's characters. What would your collection consist of and where would you display it?

I've been buying Revoltech figures like crazy lately, and I've been addicted to the DQ Slime keychains forever, so this one's right up my alley.
In no particular order, I'd have the following made of my own characters:

- The Slime King (BSF)
- Knight (BSF)
- Witch (BSF)
- Kiamo (TF)
- Dark Warlord (TF)

Others:

- Bob Surlaw
- Bob the Hamster
- James Paige
- Dinosaur Triple
- Monterrey Penguin
- Super Cucumber
- Frumpy
- The Red Murdock
- Dogero
- Happy Face (NOT Dummy)

Most others' chosen for HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE also because I like their character designs. I would put them on a shelf above my desk, where the other toys I have are, which number in the 'Too Many's.

The Walthros Mercenaries commentary talks about "lost" projects. Why not share your own "lost project" story? Everyone's bound to have one!

 - I made a game based off of my now-defunct webcomic, Awkward Stage, twice. It was called PUS: The Ultimate Story of Nothing, and involved Dan, Matt, and Zack finding an alternate dimension in a closet. At one point it also involved fighting a lot of Clefairys... but I'm pretty sure that was done way early in the morning and I was like 14 years old, so it seemed funny to me then.

- Some game about a Tonberry. I don't even know, I made one walkabout and stopped.

- A sequel to Time Flies before the final demo of TF was even out. I think I imported a BAM of Frog's Theme from Chrono Trigger then gave up.

- The ORIGINAL Blasphemous Saga Fantasy, which you can find if you look hard enough. It was a terrible parody.
What's the craziest idea you've come up with at five in the morning?

When I was 14 or 15 I kept a notepad on my nightstand in case I had any brilliant ideas in my sleep about TF. The only thing I ever wrote in there was "MORMETTA AND MORMOMETTA", which was accompanied by a very crude drawing of what appeared to be a moth.

I don't keep a notebook on my nightstand anymore.
That's it for this month! Since you all seem concerned with doing the exact opposite of what I say, I'm going to ask that you

DON'T SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO ASKFORTIS AT ZANTETSUKEN DOT COM. I WOULD NOT LIKE THAT VERY MUCH, NO SIR.
Until next time, keep on making games instead of excuses.