| ==DAY 1== =SCENE: Outside of the house. Cthulhu and Vlad have destroyed the House Heroes sign and replaced it with a House Villains one.= In my first draft, the episode opened with Mu's scene. RMZ suggested adding this one to the beginning, and I think it works. If nothing else, it gives the viewer slightly more screen time with Cthulhu and Vlad. Cthulhu: Now that we've done away with that piece of SP*CKT sign, this place really feels like home! I actually didn't like using SP*CKT as often as I did, but it's in-character with Vikings of Midgard's Cthulhu. I tried my best not to over use it, but it still shows up quite a lot. Vlad: It's a lot better than the last dump. Who do those jerks think they are, living in this kind of luxury while our place sucked so hard? Cthulhu: All we need to add is a fiery lake, and this place will be perfect! Bwehehe! Vlad confessional: Screw the fiery lake, we've got it made here as is. The weight room's the best, I'm feeling buffer stronger already! I even recorded my heaviest presses to show off on Youtube. The babes are wild for me the Vlad! Ha! Vlad: So what evil deed shall we begin today? Cthulhu: Let's watch TV. Vlad: ... Cthulhu confessional: I'd simply DIE if I missed my shows! And we're using the heroes' cable WITHOUT PAYING! How downright vile! I liked the idea of the villains not actually being brutal, dastadly monsters. The four villains we see in this episode are fairly normal dudes who just happen to have world-domination ambitions. They still enjoy watching TV and eating disgusting food. =SCENE: Dr Mu, sitting in the computer room, which he has converted into his bedroom. He has added a crappy bed and a crappy looking robot or two. They don't work.= I really wanted Mu to come off as a failure of a scientist here, but that probably would have required a lot more graphic work. Mu: Yes, I see you, Slither. I see what you're doing. That's MY sandwich you're are taking, you jerk! I'll make you pay dearly. Hoo! Mu confessional: During the night, I used my EVIL BRILLIANCE to sneak into Home Depot and steal a home security system. The theft of something meant to keep thieves out! Oh Mu, you're delicious. Anyway, I've set up cameras and alarms and connected them to my computer. And what do I see? Vlad putting plastic weights onto the dumbbells to make it look like he's lifting more than he really can. Cthulhu not washing his tentacles after using the toilet. Slither touching my god damn sandwich. All these gross These disgusting monsters will ALL PAY. Here we establish Mu as a paranoid jackass who manages to come off as the worst person in the house. He probably doesn't deserve the party the others throw for him. Although to be fair, Cthulhu's lack of sanitary concern really is pretty disgusting. "Oh Mu, you're delicious" was one of my favorite lines, and sets him up as a man truly in love with himself, which brings him in line with his Super Walrus House counterpart. =SCENE: Vlad and Cthulhu in the TV room.= Vlad: So... have you thought about what we're going to do about Mu? Cthulhu: He's been edgy lately. I've been avoiding him so as not to spoil our MASTER PLAN! Bwehehe! Vlad: Can't blame him. I think he knows what's coming to him... Cthulhu: Impossible! We've been so careful, there's no way he'd know! Cthulhu Confessional: Our plan is perfect! If Mu finds out what we're planning, it will all be ruined! SP*CKT! Vlad: I feel like... he's watching us, even when he's not here. I don't know, he's just a weird old guy. I'm not sure he really deserves what we've got in store for him. -SLITHER enters the room. He doesn't have the sandwich.- Slither: 'ssssup? Slither's first appearance in this episode. Personally, I'm not a fan of all the hissing, but it's part of the character. To be honest I couldn't remember his personality very well and just wrote him as a sort of chill thug. Vlad: Ah, you're back! Was the sandwich plan a success? Slither: You know it. Mu won't have a clue! I should have made him rhyme more. Mu Confessional: Wait a minute! He wasn't stealing my sandwich at all! He just... opened it up and looked through it. That's real disgusting, he left his germs all over it! And he thinks I won't notice?! He didn't even re-wrap the package! His plan to poison me with his filth will FAIL! No one, and I mean, NO ONE, touches MY meat! This probably didn't sound as dirty as I'd wanted it to. ==Day 2== =SCENE: Mu, by the pool, setting up an electronic device at the edge of the pool= I want to say that I really liked the sprite RMZ drew for the trap. The fact that something so ridiculously obvious would be missed by the characters struck me as pretty funny. Mu: Bwahaha... when Cthulhu comes for his daily swim, he'll be fried to a crisp! Think of all the money I can make selling his ancient, cursed tentacles to geeks on the internet ebay! And that soft, luxurious cloak, that will fetch a nice price! I'll be able to afford a whole ARMY of robots! Some stuff was cut here so that the text could all fit in one box, but Mu comes off as slightly less fancy because of it. -Mu hides behind a chair or something, out of sight of the door but so the player can still see him. Mu: And now... we wait. -Wait for a while. Fade screen out. Fade back in, with a darker palette. Night time has arrived!- I wanted there to be a lot of time with just Mu sitting on screen doing nothing or maybe pacing back and forth, but that seemed pointlessly cruel to the audience. Seriously, I would have had him pace for two or three minutes. Everyone would have turned off the episode if I'd done this, though. Mu: Jesus christ, that damn squid never came! I wasted a whole day on this crap! Mu Confessional: This is very strange... Cthulhu never goes a day without a swim, and Vlad didn't even come out to tan or flex. In fact I haven't seen anyone all day! Where are those jerks? -Mu goes inside. The house is dark.- Mu: The lights are out... I have to get to my room before I can be ambushed! This felt like needless dialogue here. I don't know why I wrote it. -Mu rushes into the welcome room. As he gets to the middle of the room...- ????: Hold it right there! Mu: Urk! I've been bamboozled! -Lights come on. Vlad, Cthulhu, and Slither are standing together at the top of the room in a triangle formation with a cake between them. V, C, and S: SURPRISE!! Mu: GAH! -Mu pulls out a ray gun. Bright flash of light. The cake has been destroyed by his attack! The bright flash was lost in the final version, but at least the villains are now covered in cake. V, C, and S (put some frosting on them or something): ... Mu: Wait... what? Vlad: Mu... it's your birthday! We went out and got you a cake, and you destroyed it! Mu: My... birthday? You... you guys! You mean you weren't trying to kill me after all? Cthulhu: Kill you? Bwehehe, what would we do without you? Mu: I... I don't know what to say! GROUP HUG! -The villains hug- Vlad: Uh... we're villains, remember? Villains don't hug. Dr. Mu: Aww. Yes they do :( Slither: Hey man, don't worry too much about the cake. We all get a little trigger happy ssssometimes. Besides, I've got some catering people delivering a party platter in a little while anyway, so we'll still have some good eatsss. Mu: A party platter? What kind? Slither: Provolone cheesssse, pastrami, mortadella, hot capicola... all of your favorites! These are all of my favorites. Mu: That... sounds delicious! How did you know what to get? Slither: I, uh, kind of opened up and went through the sandwiches you bring home to see what kind you liked. Ssssorry if I made a mess of them. Mu Confessional: So he wasn't trying to poison me, but that's still really pretty disgusting. But a present's a present! Ahooo! Vlad: Anyway, while we're you're waiting, you should open your presents. Mu: Mwahaha! What diabolical gifts have you brought me? Ones that destroy men's souls, or simply control them? I'm so proud of you guys! When I demolish the world, you can be at my side, with your glorious gifts of mayhem held high proudly above your heads! Vlad Confessional: Uh... maybe this wasn't the best idea after all. Slither: I'll ssstart. Here you go, homie. -Slither gives Mu a small box. Mu opens it. Inside, there's... Mu: A... wool hat? What? Slither: You know, since you ain't got much hair up there, I figured you could use ssssomething to keep warm. Originally I'd written, "you ain't got no hair up there," since I'd forgotten that RMZ's version of Mu wasn't actually bald. Instead he has a vegetable sprout of some sort growing out of his noggin. It's still one of my favorite parts of the episode. I think it's cute that Slither tries so hard to be thoughtful and really gets no thanks for it, unlike Vlad, whose awful gift really deserves no thanks. Mu: T... Thanks you.? Mu confessional: How dare he ask me to cover my glorious, glistening skull? This head is the mark of a true evil genius! All right... calm down Mu... they're trying to be nice... Vlad: Mine's next! Hooah! This one'll make you MACHO! I really wanted Vlad to come off as a muscle-headed idiot. I was reminded that he's supposed to actually be powerful (unlike what Mu saw him doing with the dumbells suggests), so I tried to add more threats to his dialogue in the final draft. I kind of like the idea of him being completely, innocently stupid though. He's the kind of guy who would buy MEGA MUSCLE GAIN POWDER to impress women he has no interest in. -Mu opens the box from Vlad- Mu: A... carrot? Vlad: It's That's not just any carrot! This thing's special, it's loaded with protein! It will make all of your attacks stronger than ever! I eat one a day, and look at me! Look at these muscles. This really is a terrible birthday present. Vlad confessional: Ahh... nothing beats a good flex. Mu: That sounds... disgusting... I mean, thank you, Vlad. That was very... thoughtful? Slither confessional: I knew my gift was the best of all gift. Practical and sssstylish. Awww yeah. Cthulhu: All right Mu, you're never going to guess what I got you! Cthulhu Confessional: If he doesn't love this gift., it will It'll totally harsh my groove! SP*CKT! I really don't like the SP*CKT here. I guess Fenrir knows how to use this better than I do, because it didn't really bother me in Vikings of Midgard but I really dislike it here. Mu confessional: What's it going to be, a toilet brush? Cotton swabs? Jesus christ, these people don't know me at all. Cthulhu: Tada! -A large box appears- RMZ did a good job here by making the animation of the box sliding over to Mu very slow. Mu: Hmm... it IS huge... huge is good. -Mu opens the box. A large, brown T-Rex is inside!- Mu: !!! Cthulhu: ...Well? Mu: It's... it's... Mu: MAGNIFICENT! Mu confessional: A dinosaur! The prey I've hunted all my life! Finally, one that will do my evil bidding, and destroy his dim-witted brothers! This is the best gift ever! Slither confessional: Where the hell'd he get a dinosaur from? Man, my gift'sss still the best. It's 100% wool! You can't beat that! Poor Slither :( Mu: I will take this dinosaur, and using the killer instinct in its heart, I will create a monster capable of destroying all that stand in my way! Bwahaha! BWAHAHAHA! -The dinosaur belches- Mu: ... Dinosaur: Ghuh huh huh! Mu: What? D... Dinosaur! I command you to release a righteous roar! Show me that you are the king of the thunder lizards! -Dinosaur looks around the room and then frowns. Dinosaur: :( Mu: Can you... do anything? -Door bell rings- Vlad: That must be the food! Dinosaur: Fffffoooooooood!! -The dinosaur charges into Mu, knocks him out of the way, and runs through the door. From the other side we hear the delivery man- Delivery Guy: What the hell? A monster! God almighty, it's the end of my days! AAAUUUGH! -The dinosaur comes back in. He's happy now.- Dinosaur: Yaaaaay! Slither: The hell was that? -Slither goes outside.- Slither: Aw hell naw! He ate all the food! And the delivery guy! Mu: Well... at least we know he's a LITTLE blood thirsty. ==DAY 3== =SCENE: Mu is sleeping. It's early morning. The dinosaur is sleeping nearby in the same room. A fart is heard.= I usually don't write toilet humor, but what can I say? It's a situation we're all familiar with. Mu: Augh... AUGH! It smells! What the hell's wrong with you?! Dinosaur: :( Mu: Get out! Never mind, I'M getting out! God DAMN! -Mu goes into the TV room. Vlad and Slither are watching TV.- Vlad: Morning, Mu. Did you enjoy the carrot? Would you like to bench-press the couch? Mu: I think the dinosaur ate it, and it gave him gas from hell. HELL GAS, I SAY! Seriously, my room smells like a barn. Slither: Least my gift won't ssstink up the house. Mu: What are you watching, anyway? Vlad: Super Walrus House. I didn't realize you were on this! Or that you used to be so thin, and so... fancy!. Mu: That was... a very different time in my life. We all have to experiment sometimes! This continues the trend of referencing other "House" shows within this show. For those that haven't seen Super Walrus House, Dr. Mu is dressed and portrayed as Hard Gay in it. Some of those mannerisms still come through here. Mu confessional: HaFOO! Like that one. Slither: This sssshow... kind of sucks. No wonder it only lasted one episode. Mu: Yeah, if we'd kept going I'm SURE I would have won it all! Instead, we all got kicked to the curb, and the host kept the house for himself. Taught me a thing or two about trusting my fellow man. From now on, it's only death and destruction for Mu! No more black leather... or studded bracelets... or hot nights out at the club... god damn it Mu, you're a disgrace. -A crashing sound is heard from the kitchen- Slither: The hell? -Fade to the kitchen. The Dinosaur has caused a mess, food is everywhere, tables/crap broken/cracked. Vlad, Mu, and Slither enter the room.- Mu: YOU! First you foul my air, now you devour my beef! -Dinosaur tries to run out of the room. He runs into a wall or two on the way out. Slither walks up to the fridge- Slither: God damn, everything'sss ruined! Vlad: Mu... get your pet under control, or there'll be hell to pay. Vlad Confessional: I knew that damn dinosaur was a bad idea. If it keeps wrecking up this sweet pad, Mu and Cthulhu are BOTH dead! I wrote this line as an excuse to have more confessional time with Vlad, but I didn't like it. It didn't fit with the character established in this episode. It got moved slightly in the final version. Mu: All right, I'll talk to Cthulhu. Maybe he's got some advice for me. Where is he, anyway? Slither: He went out for a swim a couple hoursss ago. Mu: All right, I'll just... wait a minute... OH GOD! Mu Confessional: I totally forgot to disable the trap I set before the party! I hope I'm not too late... This was needless exposition too. =SCENE: The pool. Cthulhu is floating in the middle, upside down. The villains rush onto the scene= Mu: OH JESUS! Slither: God damn, what the hell happened here? Vlad: Cthulhu... I never would have imagined such a great demon could drown in a swimming pool. Vlad confessional: This could work to my advantage... with Cthulhu out of the way, I'm the boss of this house! These fools will do my bidding now! Bwahaha... This line also got moved slightly later in the scene. I'm not a fan of it either. I actually don't like any of the confessional scenes I wrote for Vlad very much. Mu: You guys go inside... I'll fish him out. Mu confessional: With them gone, I can dispose of my trap safely and no one will be the wiser. How delightfully villainous! This line makes Mu seem too genuinely evil, and I'm glad it was cut. -Mu pushes the electric device off screen. Fade out, cut to the entrance hall, with Vlad, Slither, and Mu.- Vlad: Well, that takes care of that. Slither: I can't believe we were able to flush him down the toilet. I mean, he wasn't no sssmall fry. Mu: It is the traditional funeral of the sea creatures. Though our friend is gone, he lives on in our memories, and the chaos that he wrought upon mankind will never be forgotten. Mu confessional: Besides, I don't think Elder Gods can really die. He'll probably wake up in a sewer somewhere if he doesn't clog our pipes. Either way, he's out of our hair now, and no one will ever know that I was the one to plant this that dastardly trap! Mwahaha! -Plip sound effect. The plip and the dinosaur rush by; they are racing around the room- Mu: What in god's name is this?! Dinosaur: FFFFFFFF! Vlad: He... seems to have made a friend. Dinosaur: AH HAH HAH! RUN AND RUN AND RUN! Dinosaur Giant and Mu's dinosaur would be best friends. Slither: You know, his speech is getting better, but he'sss still stupid as hell. Mu: DINOSAUR! I command you to stop this tom-foolery at once! Return to your lair! Dinosaur: ? -The plip faces the dinosaur and squeaks. They begin racing around again.- Dinosaur: HAHAHA! Mu: Argh! =DAY 4= =SCENE: TV room. The TV screen is all static. Vlad, Mu, and Slither are there.= I'd intended it to be broken when the scene started, but instead the TV goes out while our goons are watching it. Vlad: Well what have we here.? Mu: The cable... seems to have been chewed through. Vlad: It was the dinosaur, wasn't it? Mu: How should I know? I wasn't here! I don't know where he is! Maybe it was that green thing. Or maybe it was even YOU! You rodents LOVE to gnaw on things! Vlad: Get rid of that dinosaur or I'll be gnawing on your BRAIN! -Vlad leaves the room.- Mu: That man hamster has anger problems. Perhaps with some minor surgery, robotic in nature... Slither: Man, you and your damn robotsss. I'm out of here. Mu: Wait, where are you going? I'm bored! Slither: We've got no TV, no food, and the pool's a death trap. I'm going to the mall. Mu: You'll regret this! You'll be MISERABLE without my profound presence! -Slither leaves the room.- Mu: Damn. I guess I'd better round up that dinosaur... -Mu goes to the pool. The dinosaur is swimming happily. The plip is sitting nearby.- Mu: All right, out of there! OUT! Bad dinosaur! You're not supposed to go into the pool without proper supervision! See? Mu's a nice guy after all. Dinosaur: Pppppllliiiiiipp :) Mu: What did you call me?! OUT THIS INSTANT! Dinosaur: :( Mu: Aw, don't do that... Dinosaur: BAAAAAAAWWWWWWW! Mu: Stop that hideous crying! Ach! Mein ears! -Mu goes inside and into the entrance hall.- ????: Stop right there! Mu: Again? Boys, boys, my birthday's over! I've had enough surprises for one year. -Dinosaur Triple appears!- Mu: Y...you! Dinosaur Super: Dr. Mu! Plague of the dinosaurs! Shame of the disco floor! Seller of snake oils! Flim flam man! We are here to put an end to the torture you are committing here! This was one of my favorite lines too, especially "shame of the disco floor." It references a similar speech made by Mu in Walrus House. Mu: Wha...? Dinosaur Micro: Using my advanced Dinosensitive Sonar, we heard the call of a fellow dinosaur in distress! We knew it had to be you! Dinosaur Giant: Hello Mr. Funnyface! Ah ha ha Mu: Are you kidding me? It's bad enough fighting you jerks when I actually AM doing something evil, but for once I'm innocent! That dinosaur's just a big baby! Dinosaur Super: A big baby for crying during your WATER TORTURE? You monster! Mu: Water torture?! He just went for a swim! I CARE about that dinosaur, I yelled at him for going into the pool without someone to watch him! Dinosaur Giant: You are a good citizen! Dinosaur Super: Quiet, you! He's a monster! Dr. Mu, you will turn over the dinosaur at once! Mu: You know what... fine. Just take him. He's been nothing but a pain in the ass since he showed up. I've had enough of this, I'm going to bed. -Mu leaves. The dinosaur wanders in.- Dinosaur Micro: Don't be afraid! We've come to rescue you! -Dinosaur Triple surrounds him and pulls him towards the exit.- Dinosaur: Nnnnnnnnoooo... :( Dinosaur Super: Stop that! Stop struggling! We're taking you to safety, away from this mad man! Dinosaur Giant: We're are going to McDonald's. Dinosaur Micro: And then to the library. Gee whiz, We've got a full day ahead of us! Dinosaur: NNNNNOOOOOO! Ppppppllliiiippp! Dddddaaaaadddyy! Dinosaur Super: Daddy? Mu has clearly brainwashed this poor slob! But it's nothing a little SCIENCE can't fix, right Micro? Dinosaur Micro: Haha, you said it Super! At the end of the day, NOTHING beats a good laboratory experiment! We'll have him cured in no time! -They drag the dinosaur out of the house. After they're off screen, he lets out one final... Dinosaur: :( =SCENE: A sewer. Basically any dark room with water and at least one open pipe will do. Maybe a goldfish on the ground. Cthulhu wakes up= Cthulhu: sp*ckt... sp*ckt... Where... am I? Will Cthulhu return?! Who knows. He'll probably befriend the alligators down here or something. Maybe they can help him cure his cough. All in all, I'm pleased with how things turned out. The villainous hug is the only loss I regret, and I would have cut more of Vlad's later confessional scenes, but it works well. I'd like to do this sort of thing once a year, maybe. I feel like I would get burned out fast if I did it regularly, so I salute JSH and RMZ for being able to stick to their shows for as long as they have. THE END |