WHO SHOT BOB THE HAMSTER?
A look at the 2007 Epic Marathon Contest
A Feature by Kingston C. Rockwell

It was April Fool's when it all started.
This is probably why no one took it seriously when Officer Buford showed up[1]. It might've also been that, having just come off of J.A.R.S.'s escapades and the lightening of the constant stream of spambots, there didn't seem to be much happening in the community to warrant a security officer.

But nonetheless, it happened, and to no small amount of controversy. Be it due to xenophobia or elitism, the community didn't care much for this stranger who arrived with such an air of authority. Our man on the inside informed me that his IP matched Pepsi Ranger's, another connection that wouldn't make sense till later. And despite his low approval rating, Buford was a sport, making his efforts to keep the peace in some way that wasn't readily apparent to anyone else. He made a few updates, giving everyone the all-clear[2], keeping up appearances like there was actually a job for him to do. This went on for most of a month before it started looking like he just might.

To his credit, he did his best. If anyone could've seen it coming, it would've been him, or it would've been due to his information. But no one did see it coming. No one could've possibly guessed the motive of the anonymous psycho who sent Buford those photos[3]. No one would've even imagined Bob the Hamster would be shot.

On June 1st, in cooperation with Castle Paradox Security Forces, Pepsi Ranger opened the case to the public[4], setting us on the road to finding various clues about our culprit, his motive, and the location of the shooting. Furthermore, he requested that we formulate our theories into case files, effectively beginning the fourth Epic Marathon Contest. So we bit. We ran around like a handful of junior sleuths, like contestants on "Where In The World Is Carman Sandiego" (does anyone remember that game show?), doing our best for our hero as he lay in a coma. And we did, we found all the clues[5], but the trail went cold with everyone listening to a flash fiction podcast[6] and finding nothing.

In the end, four case files were submitted to CP Security.

~ JSH357's OHR House 2 was accepted as an entry due to the similarity in theme for weeks 6, 7, and 8. It posits that the crime was committed by SDHawk, a regular in IRC channel #JSH and former OHRer. Hawk had decided the community had grown lazy with its heroes and if it killed them they would be forced to create new ones.

~ Shadowiii created Who Shot Bob The Hamster?: Love & Order for the contest. It makes no case and is unfinished. Had it been finished, it would have been a dating game featuring Stop and Infinity taking various OHR community characters on dates to question them on the shooting. His current plans for the game are unknown.

~ Uncommon submitted Who Shot Bob The Hamster? A soliloquy Mystery, a short story about his self-narrating film noir inspired private investigator looking into the mystery. It makes the case that the clues all point to Herr Ingred, a literal red herring being used as a scapegoat. In the story the shooting is actually a hoax fabricated to bring activity to the community again.

~ Moogle1 drew a comic titled Who Shot Bob The Hamster?: The Graphic Novel, suggesting that the culprit was Zombie Robot Bird Hitler and while hilarious, it's hardly convincing.

The trial began on August 11th, as the community voted on the most convincing case[7]. Buford's findings and the contest results will be announced on September 1st, so it's highly likely you already know how it turned out. Myself, I'm still not sure about any of it. The fact that Buford has been completely silent for the last three months alone is suspicious, using Pepsi Ranger as his mouthpiece. Unfortunately the only person who knows the full truth is still under at the time of this writing. But you can bet that if he wakes up, this report will be there to get you the full story.

Editor's Note: The results are here at last!

1. ^Keeping The Peace, CP Security Officer 2. ^First Week, CP Security Officer 3. ^Photograph; Another Photograph; The Last Photograph, CP Security Officer 4. ^Who Shot Bob The Hamster?, Pepsi Ranger 5. ^OHRWiki, 2007 Epic Marathon Contest 6. ^Zagboodle, Episode 3: Nobfondler's Prevenge 7. ^The Trial Of Bob The Hamster, Pepsi Ranger